Developing a Vision

Author’s Note: Recovery from sex addiction is not just about stopping fantasies, it is about replacing those fantasies with a vision.

Sex addicts must develop a vision. A vision is a clear idea of God's calling, plan, and purpose for one's life. It is a picture of where we want to go with our lives. If we don't know where we are going, we can't get there. The Bible says that people without vision perish (Proverbs 29:18).

When the addicts develop a sense of their true calling, their vision, they have a much easier time staying sober. Everything they do falls in line with achieving higher

goals.

Here are examples of vision statements for sex addicts:              

• I seek to serve my spouse and not hurt her anymore.
• I want to share the message of hope and sobriety with other men who still struggle. 
• I want my children to be raised in a safer home that I was.
• I hope to be able to repay all the money I spent on my addiction.
• I seek to make amends to those I've harmed.

This is not an exhaustive list. Notice that these vision statements help strengthen your resolve to stay sober. In my own experience, the vision of no longer hurting my wife kept me from acting out countless times.

Vision statements become the foundation of outlining specific strategies. Marvin's vision was to share his mes¬sage of hope with others. He approached his pastor and asked if there were other men the pastor knew who struggled with sexual addiction. Marvin arranged meetings with these men and told his story. Later, these men planned a workshop at their church and brought in a speaker to address sexual purity. After the workshop, over fifty men signed up to be in a support group to stay sexually pure. Marvin's vision led to a dynamic ministry at his church. While he was pursuing it, it gave him the conviction and strength to stay sober so he could continue to be a witness to others.

Having a vision creates energy because it aligns us with God's purposes and enables us to find our true giftedness.

Living out our vision may even include using the pain of past experiences to reach out, witness to, and help others. Paul says God is the Father of all compassion and comfort, "who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble" (2 Corinthians 1:4). Even those who have lost careers because of addiction may find that recovery opens the door to God's larger plan. In the early days of my recovery, if anyone had told me I would one day speak, teach, write and counsel others all over the world, I would have thought they were completely crazy. These are the kinds of doors God opens when we seek his will in our lives.

I have described how fantasy is an attempt to meet needs and heal wounds by imagining false solutions. Vision, on the other hand, is imagining God's plan for our lives and finding that in so doing, we legitimately meet our own needs and heal our wounds.