Willingness v. Unwillingness

As some of you know, at our workshops we ask the men three spiritual questions.  The first is from the story in John 5 of the man at the Pool of Bethesda.  That man is rather cynical in his response to Jesus" question, "Do you want to get well?"  The quick word that Jesus uses means wellness in body and in spirit.  The spirit of the man is rather negative when he says, "Sir, I have no one to help me...." 

It is true that most addicts feel that way.  No one has helped, temptations get in the way, and the advice of others is often misguided and discouraging.  There is also the factor in the John 5 story that the man had been an invalid for 38 years so to be sick was his "normal."  Lying by the pool is what he knew how to do.

So, when we think about getting or staying sober, we have to confront lethargy, cynicism, and even anger about our faith in getting well.  For some of us, also, we liked our addiction.  It brought us pleasure and was like a best friend.  It was always with us and always available.  So, like James tells us in the first chapter of his letter, we are "double minded."

Bottom line, we don't have to be 100% convinced that we can get well or that we want to get well.  We need the majority of ourselves, however, to think so.  This factor is what Bill W of AA talked about when he thought that an alcoholic had to bottom out in order to get well.

Most of all, I think, motivation comes from encouragement of others.  That is a part of accountability.  We get honest not just about our addiction but also about our negativity and doubts.  Others can then encourage us to be the men that God calls us to be.  Some of the best phone calls I have ever made in my recovery were not about my sexual temptation, but about my negative feelings of shame, anger, and doubt.

These are brief thoughts.  My 3 new books are out.  Check our our web site or the newsletter about those.  One of them, Becoming a Man of Valor, discusses my strategies for all of this in much great depth.

I'm starting to enjoy this blogging stuff.  I hope to see your posts soon.